**This blog post contains alias names in order to protect individual identities.
As most of our followers know, we’ve been searching for our missing piece for a little under a year and a half. It’s so hard not to feel down and wonder if you are even doing the right thing when that kind of time passes by you. A few weeks ago we had a conversation about whether or not we needed to take a break from searching and grow our family ourselves for the time being. It had been extremely hard to make that call, because we have both felt that our family needs a new member, and with no adoption leads, we can’t ignore the tug we feel from heaven of a little one waiting to come to our family, and let me tell you, it is so real. I️ can actually almost see this precious little spirit watching us from above, waiting anxiously to meet us and join our crazy life. I’ve been trying to push that little hopeful vision out of my head and heart for the past couple months, trying to do what we feel we need to by searching, but it definitely gets discouraging when all we do is wait in silence.
The conflicting feelings of just giving it a few more months, or removing my birth control and trying ourselves have been heavy on my heart since October 13, our anniversary. We made a spontaneous trip to Las Vegas, and decided to talk about our plans for going forward with growing our family. Sitting at dinner we decided we would go ahead and take out my IUD and begin trying for a baby again once we got home, but it just didn’t feel right. Late that night I️ brought it up again to Garrett, and we then made a final decision to give it just a couple more months, and finish out the year before we started trying on our own again.
When we returned home from vacation, I️ was hesitant to fill my Facebook wall with “HELP US ADOPT” posts in fear of completely annoying our friends and family. I️ gave I️t a couple weeks, and in the beginning of November (national adoption month) I️ decided to go big or go home. I️ decided to join every local garage sale group I️ could find and post our story. I️ think I️ ended up posting it about 12 different places. Then I️ prayed. Hard. I️ remember just sitting there pleading with my Heavenly Father to help us find our missing piece, and I️ told him that if nothing happened by the end of the year, we would begin to try for a Baby again.
Garrett and I️ have a little rule when it comes to praying, instead of just asking the Lord for something we want, we tell him what we plan to do to accomplish our goals, and we believe that if he sees that we are putting in the effort, he will guide us and direct us on our path. So I️ told him our plan and decided to move on and see how the rest of the year played out.
Days went by, weeks even, and then I️ heard the DING, of my messenger app going off. I️ opened it up and saw a message from a young man I️ didn’t know, he asked me if I️ had received any emails from a girl named Mary. I️ responded that I️ hadn’t, and he anxiously asked me to check all my junk mail folders. I️ did but still had nothing. He replied saying he would check in with Mary and ask if she had tried reaching out to us. I️ thanked him and went on with my day, trying not to refresh my email inbox more than about 10 times each minute. By the end of the day I️ received a text from an unknown number. It was the most exciting text I️ have ever read.
“Hi Courtney! My name is Mary and I came across your blog about your family and adoption. Currently I am about 9 weeks pregnant and as I read through your story, felt compelled to reach out and talk with you more about our situations and have a conversation. Please feel free to text or call and I would love to speak with you and your husband. “
My heart dropped, in a good way. I️ Happy danced and let out a few high pitched squeals. I️ called Garrett at work and told him what had just happened. His usual calm self brought me back to adult reality and I️ tried as hard as I️ could to not act like a two year old who just got a new toy and send a very mature response.
“Hi Mary! We would love to talk to you more! My husband is at work right now, but we can talk when he is home if you would like? I️ can also talk before he gets home if you would like as well, let me know ❤️”
I️ pressed send and then immediately had so many regrets. I️ shouldn’t have put so many exclamation points, I️ shouldn’t have acted to eager to talk to her, I️ shouldn’t have sent the heart emoji. I️ thought I️ had just screwed all our chances of this girl responding. I know it is silly, I️ don’t even know why, but those were real thoughts in my head, it’s crazy how nerves can affect your mind.
Well guess what, she responded and wanted to set up a time to talk over the weekend! Tears of joy filled my eyes as I️ began another happy dance and squeal marathon. And then a harsh reality set in, this girl, was on the complete opposite side of this journey, and her feelings were most likely the exact opposite of mine.
I️ took a breath and swallowed my pride before beginning another small prayer for this sweet girl who reached out to us. Instantly a new set of tears took over me, tears of sadness and love for this girl on the other side of the texts we had just shared. I️ have stated this previously in our last experience being in contact with an EM, but I️ become so overwhelmed with love each time, love for the EM and love for the baby, even though nothing is set in stone, the love is always there and it is always way deeper than I️ ever though it could be.
The wait for the weekend was sooooo long. And my head was filled with so many thoughts. Was this a young girl still in school and worried her life was over? Was she a mother to more than one child in a situation where she couldn’t afford another? Was she in college and not expecting a pregnancy while trying to achieve her goals and dreams? What could we do to help her? How could we show her our love for her with out making things awkward. So. Many. Thoughts.
Saturday came, which ironically was National Adoption Day, and was the day we had planned to have a phone call together. We weren’t going to talk until 5-6 pm. So naturally it was the longest day I️ had ever lived. We arranged for Kohlman to be watched by a friend during the time of the phone call so that he wouldnt be a distraction. We dropped him off a little before 5 and headed home to wait. And wait, and wait. 5:30 rolled around, then 6. Garrett and I️ became nervous that she had changed her mind, which is very common, especially with how early on she was with her pregnancy. But then she texted and said she would be calling soon. Let me just tell you, I’m not a sweater.... and I was drenched, soaking wet, poor Garrett was probably holding his breath sitting next to me on the couch.
A few minutes passed and then the phone rang. I️ hesitated, I️ didn’t want to answer too quickly and look like a pathetic desperate weirdo, so I️ gave it some time and then answered.
The phone call was full of nervous shaking voices, awkward silences, tears and laughter. I was a blabbering idiot that kept saying thinks like “it’s nice to meet you, kinda....” and it turned into a little inside joke. All in all it was a rush. But it went well. As well as I️ think a first call can go. We got to know about her a bit. We answered what ever questions she had, and expressed our love for her so that she knew no matter what she would not be alone in this process.
We ended the call with the understanding that we would continue texting, putting a little less pressure on each of us. We texted through the night and began to build our relationship. We ended the night with me leaving her in control of how to move forward. I️ let her know she was more than welcome to text or call us any time, but also that she was more than welcome to take her time and just digest everything that had just happened.
Over all it felt good. She seemed very level headed given her situation. We became Facebook friends and I️ spent the rest of the night stalking her after that, so if you are reading this, Mary, know that I️ absolutely love your many hair colors and that beautiful smile.
This is the beginning of a new chapter in our journey, and we will keep things as updated as possible, for better for worse. Again, we are so thankful to everyone for their prayers, love, and support! It takes a tribe, and if you are reading this, you are part of ours!
Until next time, be kind, and be you.